


"Heartbroken."

by suicidaltomlinson



Category: One Direction
Genre: Alcohol Abuse, Angst, I cried while writing this, M/M, Possible smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-21
Updated: 2014-09-27
Packaged: 2018-02-18 05:09:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2336426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suicidaltomlinson/pseuds/suicidaltomlinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam's life crumbles around him and Zayn has made a massive mistake.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Zayn's Mistake."

“Do you love her?”

“Liam, not now.” Zayn warned firmly, “I’m late.”

“Do you Zayn?” Liam asks half indignantly and half scared.

“Liam. I said, not now.”

“It’s a simple question, Zayn. You either do, or you don’t.” Liam shrugs.

Zayn rushes around their bedroom, trying to get ready for a date he’s going on, but Liam is making it very difficult. He’s trying to ignore the tone in Liam’s voice and his constant gaze as he bustles around the doe eyed boy who isn’t going to let the matter drop. He didn’t have time for this now, he was late. And he may of brought this on himself, leaving it last minute to tell Liam he’s going out with Perrie; but it’s nothing new, they’ve been dating for a while now. Liam is just trying to make a mountain out of a mole hill.

“All of the magazines are saying you’re head over heels for her, Zayn.” Liam quips, folding his arms over his chest; like he’s shielding his heart for safe keeping, because he’s scared of the important muscle falling out of his chest where it will lay on the floor for it to get broken; but he needn't bother because it seems like it’s already happening. “Even her friends are saying and I quote ‘worships the ground she walks on.’” Liam spits.

Zayn sighs, and runs a frustrated hand through his messy sleek black hair and then down his perfect face. “I’m not doing this now, Liam. And I don’t think I’ll be coming home later if you’re going to keep acting like this.”

Liam fights back the tears that are causing him pain in the corner of his eyes, “you do, don’t you,” he whispers sadly, “you’ve fallen in love with her.” Voice finally breaking.

Zayn looks up, the break in Liam’s normally angelic sweet voice didn’t go unnoticed by him. A lump quickly forms in Zayn’s throat as he makes witness to the hurt and confusion swimming around in Liam’s soft brown eyes. What was Zayn supposed to say? He was confused and terrified beyond comparison; he didn’t want to lose Liam, but it looked like he was going to anyway. So, he opted for saying nothing, by simply scooping up his keys, wallet and phone and promptly sprinting out of the room, leaving a very defeated and broken Liam in his wake.

Liam watched the love of his life from the window, climbing into the awaiting black SUV. He lets his tears finally fall as he had the pleasure of feeling his heart slowly, but surely break into a million pieces; the heart which beats for Zayn and only Zayn. The same organ that skips a beat when Zayn looks at him with glistening baby brown eyes, when he smiles his dazzling smile. The same vascular muscle which flutters when Zayn sings, laughs and says his name or grips him tight when they’re doing a stand-up interview. His stomach knots and twists in a nauseating fashion as the car pulls out from the driveway; the haunting thought of not knowing if Zayn will come back.

Deep down, Liam knew Zayn had fallen in love with the leggy natural blonde; he could see it in his eyes. Zayn’s eyes were a dead giveaway to the many emotions he could feel. The whiskey coloured pools told Liam everything he needed to know, no matter how much it pained him to watch the eyes he loved tell him the truth. Zayn used to look at Liam in the exact same manner; filled with love, admiration and adoration. Liam’s not blind, it’s clear because he sees the way Zayn looks at Perrie; it’s the exact same way. Maybe Zayn still looked at Liam like that, the boys would never say anything if they saw different, and the boy from Wolverhampton never noticed it anymore; and that was more than enough to tell Liam that Zayn didn’t want him anymore and he wasn’t good enough. Liam wiped away his tears with the back of his sleeve, sniffing as he turns away from the window, turning into his and Zayn’s shared room; still filled with tense air. Their room had lost its colour – the original colour being a light beige – but now, all Liam could see was black surfaces, because the light of his world had just left.

He walks to the bathroom, brushes his teeth before pulling his swoop neck t-shirt over his head and removing his jeans. Liam lets the fresh tears which have brimmed fall down his already stained cheeks as he pulls on Zayn’s pj bottoms and Oasis t-shirt that Zayn sleeps in. It comforted him; smelling of his Zayn. He climbed into bed, pulling the duvet around his neck and laying on Zayn’s side of the bed. He closed his eyes and nuzzled into Zayn’s pillow, his tears still flowed even though his irises couldn’t be seen. Liam cried himself to sleep that night; his defeat had left him exhausted, his heart in pieces which is probably beyond repair. 

_Twenty-four hours later…_

Liam woke to a empty bed. His eyes felt the size of golf balls, hurting him as the light from the window beams in. He feels sick and the pounding in his head doesn’t help the matter. He reached over to his night stand where his phone is on charge, looking at the screen, it’s seven AM. His heart sinks, he doesn’t have one single message or missed call. He ignores the pain in his stomach, and groans, debating with himself whether he should get up or to stay in bed, and begin the wallowing stage of his, what he presumes ‘break up.’

Memories begin to flood back from the previous night; he gags before throwing his duvet off of him and rushes to the toilet, throwing up his retched stomach acid in the toilet basin. He should really eat something, but he doesn’t feel like it and besides, he doesn’t have six pints of ice cream in his freezer. He hauls himself up from the bathroom floor where he sat draped over himself, like he was trying to hide away from the world. He stands near the sink and looks at his reflection, immediately wincing at what he sees. He pulls his toothbrush out before continuing to get rid of the taste of stomach acid and what he’s pretty sure is self pity out of his mouth. He waddled back into the bedroom and resumed his post in bed, he planned on sleeping for the entire day; in hopes of his heartache and stomach pain to go away.

_Three hours later…_

Liam was shaken awake, he groaned at the intruder of his dreamless sleep. He slowly blinked away the sleep, his brown eyes blurry; a side-affect from the constant crying. His breath hitched when he saw a pair of worn out whiskey coloured eyes with slight bags, his hair was deflated and his normal smile was nowhere to be seen. Zayn. Liam’s eyes filled with tears at the sight before him, turning back into his pillow; not wanting to see the boy who he falls in love with a little more everyday to see him cry like a teenage school girl.

“Li?” Zayn whispered sadly. 

Liam whimpered at the sound of his pet name and more importantly at the person who said it. It was bittersweet that Zayn was here – because he could be here to patch things up, or to chuck Liam once and for all – no matter what the circumstances. He didn’t trust his voice, but he wasn’t sure as what to say. He had nothing more to say; other than ‘I love you.’ But Zayn didn’t return the love, so what was the point? But he surprised himself.

“What’re you doing here?” Liam mumbled a little harshly, not even using his name. Like he didn’t want to acknowledge his presence. “Shouldn’t you be with..” he couldn’t bring himself to say her name, “thingy?” Voice wavering.

“Yes.” Was all Zayn said.

Liam squeezed his eyes shut, once again fighting the tears back which threatened to fall for what seemed like the billionth time in twenty four hours. He had so much to say, but why waste his breath telling someone you love them, when they don’t reciprocate the emotion that can make you so happy but then at the same time, can make you feel so much pain. Or when they don’t look at you at the same way anymore, or even touch you the same way; because when Liam had his sad times, all Zayn needed to do was give him a cuddle and his problems would melt away. Ever since Zayn had started dating Perrie, their kisses changed and making love wasn’t really the same.

Zayn stayed quiet as he watched the lump under the covers, he needed Liam to tell him that everything was going to be okay. He needed a smile of reassurance, all Zayn needed was Liam. But with every passing second, it seemed like he was slipping through Zayn’s fingers, pooling around his feet and slowly making its way to an imaginary drain where Zayn would never be able to get him back. Liam would be gone forever. 

“’M’sorry m’not good enough for you anymore, Zaynie.” Liam murmured, voice breaking on ‘Zaynie.’ And also making Zayn jump at the sudden noise making a break in the blanket of silence that fell over the two. “’M’sorry that you’ve fallen out of love with me, and that you don’t want me anymore; I must of done something wrong. But I’m never going to want anyone else, I only want you. So, you’ll be happy while I hide behind a facade of faux happiness. The smile might seem real when you announcement your engagement or on your wedding day; but just remember I loved you first and I always will.”

Liam broke down because all of what he just said would become true. Management would find him another girl; maybe make him get back with Danielle. And make him pretend to be happy when in reality he’ll be dying inside because he can’t love who he wants to love. He never thought his life would turn into this; a charade, being forced to hide; his Mum always told him to be himself, and to be happy with who you are.

“Li.. I,” He was cut off by a whimper before Liam poked his head out from underneath the duvet; sitting up with his back pressed against the headboard and his knees tucked under his chin. His cheeks stained with dried tears, eyes blood shot and currently filling up with tears like a glass when a faucet is turned on. Zayn had never seen Liam look so broken, so vulnerable before, and it was heartbreaking, and just because Zayn didn’t give Liam an answer to a simple question.

Liam shakes his head, “I can see it in your eyes, Zaynie. The way you look at her,” Liam manages a watery smile, Zayn’s eyes begin to pool, and he sniffs, “believe it or not, you used to look at me like that. Like you could never love another person. Your adoration pours when you look at her; I’m not blind Zee. She can give you everything you want and need; a happy marriage and a family; I can’t give that to you, no matter how much I wish I could.” And then Liam’s eyes over flow.

Liam cries a little more, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand. “I love you so much Zayn. It kills me having to look in your eyes, the eyes I thought would never betray me, eyes I never thought could love another person. I’ve given my heart to you Zayn but it comes across like you don’t even care. I don’t understand why you didn’t give me an answer when I asked you, if you really loved me, you would of told me that you didn’t love her and the magazines and her friends were just talking you two up. When this started; you and Perrie, did it occur to you, you would fall in love with her? Have the two and a half years of us being together counted for anything?”

Zayn watched Liam’s tired frame deflate. Liam looked down at his hands before pushing the bed covers off of him, mumbling something about ‘getting in the shower.’ Liam grabs a clean towel from the pile of laundry sitting on the arm chair and shuffles into the bathroom. Once he’s out of Zayn's sight, he chokes on the sobs he tried to hold back, pulling off his top and pants, along with his boxers; he throws them in the laundry hamper before opening the shower door and turning the tap; watching the shower head come alive with hot water. He fiddles with the temperature before settling for one that’s close to scorching. He steps in and stands there, facing away from the door. He rubs a tired shaky hand over his face, ridding of the salty residue.

Time ticked on. Zayn didn’t know whether his relationship was over or not. Everything Liam had said hit him, he didn’t even think about what his ‘fake’ relationship would do to Liam. Management told him he needed to ‘date’ Perrie; she was cute, and she had just won the X Factor; so what perfect way to get ‘Little Mix’ popular by having one of their members ‘date’ a member the ever growing successful band One Direction. Dose he leave and never look back? Learn to love Perrie a little more to make it seem even more real than what it is now? Or does he fight for what he wants? Does he fight for Liam? Zayn places his keys and wallet on his bedside table, before sending a quick message to Perrie saying that he’ll meet her later. He undresses, pulling off a article of clothing after another before he’s only wearing his boxer. He sneaks into the bathroom, gently turning the door knob before slivering inside; going unnoticed by Liam.

Liam has his face held up to the head of the shower. He doesn’t hear the door to the bathroom open and he doesn’t feel the shower door open and shut until there's a pair of arms wrapped around him tightly. He gasps, what’s left of his heart is beating at an erratic pace. It’s Zayn, and he’s wearing his boxers.

“Don’t you ever think that. You’re perfect for me, in every way. I haven’t fallen out of love with you; I find it impossible considering I fall in love with you more and more every day. I do love her Liam, but I love you too. And I’m sorry if it shows more on her than you. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore; I don’t know if I’m gay, straight or bi. But I know I love you, and I know I love Perrie, just, in different ways. I wish you saw how I look at you when you’re not looking, Liam. I wish I could prove to you this is all in your head.” Zayn whispers into the crook of Liam’s neck where his head is placed. “I didn’t think mine and Perrie’s relationship would have such an affect on you; and I apologize. I will never stop loving you, remember that.”

Liam’s defeated, he doesn’t know what to say. Well, he does, but if he explains what he’s feeling then he might actually lose Zayn forever. He knows what Zayn wants; even though he tells him that Zayn wants him. Liam understands Zayn is just saying all of those wonderful things to make him feel better. In some ways, Liam is grateful but in other ways, he’s scared. Zayn doesn’t understand Liam knows it isn’t just ‘in his head.’ Liam knows this is going to be the end; because he can’t give Zayn what he wants; and he knows what Zayn wants, because they’ve talked about it millions of times.

“Zayn, you have to figure out what you want. I know it’s hard, what we have to do and what we’re going through, but if the ending is going to be anything like what I imagine; then it will all be worth it. Just remember, whatever you decide, I will never, ever stop loving you. You’re my first and last; you’re my forever. But you need some time to think about what you want, and not what me, Perrie, your parents or management wants.” Liam whispers, the churning deep in his stomach was sickening. Everything he had just said; he had given Zayn permission to let this all end. Their relationship end.

Zayn loosens his grip around Liam’s middle, he turns around, smiling, on the contrary the smile doesn’t go to his eyes; the one that makes the corners of his eyes crinkle; but it’s enough to let Zayn know that he loves him, and will continue love him no matter what. Zayn leans in to kiss the slightly younger boy, lips meshing together, moving in sync. Tongues clash nicely, before they’re taken away and only lips move with elegance and grace.

After their make out session ended and both boys were dry, Liam once again watched Zayn walk away from their shared flat. He was scared because it was the last time he would see Zayn, the last time they share a shower and probably the last time they would ever kiss like that; just them two, sweet and passionate. Sure, Liam would see Zayn because of ‘One Direction’ business, because if he ends up choosing Perrie, Zayn won’t be around; and maybe that’s good because Zayn won’t be seeing Liam crumble from the inside out.

Happy like on the outside, but falling apart inside.

And you know what they say; a smile goes a long way.

-x-

Two week goes by and Liam has seen Zayn a mere of five times. Not because Zayn chose to spend time with him, but because they had interviews and important performances. Liam sees Zayn on the front covers of magazines, and in the pictures Zayn looks really happy. His eyes are bright, his smile is full of teeth and he holds hands with Perrie; linked at the fingers. Liam smiles small when he looks at the glossy images of Zayn; wearing his leather jacket and black skinny jeans, topped off with his ‘Nirvana’ t-shirt. His hair is in a messy quiff and he looks absolutely gorgeous if Liam is being completely honest.

All of a sudden it hits Liam, he misses Zayn so much. He can’t even count how many times he’s cried himself to sleep, and that lands to oversleeping so he’s late for important things. Zayn notices of course; notices the bags under Liam’s eyes, the blood shot in the normally whites of his eyes, Liam’s total lack of keeping up his appearance. But he doesn’t say anything; because why would he? He’s obviously made up his mind. Zayn isn't his anymore.

Sometimes Liam thinks maybe he should try something to numb the pain. Maybe he could cut, do drugs or turn to bittersweet alcohol? But that would be the last resort; because he's going to wait for Zayn for a little while longer. Even in the back of his mind, he knows what the outcome is going to be.

-x-

“You can’t keep doing this, Zayn,” Niall tells him one day after Liam as left the room. Zayn nods, “he’s falling apart Zayn, I haven’t seen him like this before, it’s heart breaking.”  
And it’s true. Louis, Harry and Niall have never seen Liam like this before. It’s like every little thing Zayn does, has Liam breaking even more. Whether Zayn smiles, talks, laughs or even enters a room; Liam will light up and then immediately switch off when Zayn doesn’t go over to sit with him like he normally would. And it’s worse when Niall watches Liam zone out when Zayn talks about how great things are going with Perrie and extra painful when he saw Liam’s normally happy eyes fill with tears when Zayn had said, _“things are going amazing, I’m really happy.”_

“I don’t know what do to Niall.” He says truthfully.

Niall exhales indignantly, “put him out of his misery Zayn. You either go back to him; or you end it for real. Because everything you do is pushing him to his wits end, it’s not healthy for him, he loves you so much Zayn, and the person he loves most, is the person who's hurting him the most. Do the right thing mate.” Niall explains and stands up, clapping Zayn on the shoulder reassuringly. 

Zayn watches Niall walk out of the room. He brings up his hands and rubs them tiredly over his face; feeling exhausted and being weighed down with what seems like the weight of the world and the other seven planets on his shoulders. He doesn’t know what to do, he stands up and walks towards the door, but before he gets there, the door opens and he bumps into something warm, solid and sweet smelling.

It’s Liam.

Liam is frozen to the ground at the sudden contact because it’s the first type of physical contact he’s had from Zayn in two weeks. They stand there, looking at each other with the same glint in their eyes. Liam doesn’t like the proximity, even though he’s been craving it, but having it so close seems unreal and he doesn’t want a taste of it when he knows sooner or later it’s going to be ripped away from him.

He finds his sense of awareness and then backs off. He blinks and looks at the ground, “m’sorry.” He mumbles, before he spins on his heel and walks off quickly in the other direction, away from Zayn.

Zayn closes his eyes and slaps his hands over his face. Kicking himself because he could of used the time to talk to Liam about things; about them. Liam told him he needs to think about what he wants and not what Liam, Perrie, his parents or management wants. But that was the problem, he doesn’t know what he wants; apart from love and the feeling of a body next to him. But does that body have a girly or masculine physique, feeling and smell?

-x-

Liam walks as quickly as he can, far away from him. His feet take him down the winding hallways which soon lead to the front of the building where he bursts out; in need of fresh air. He steps out and it’s pelting it down, he takes a deep breath as he walks out into the middle of the sidewalk and looks up at the sky. No one can tell he's crying because his tears are disguised with the cold drops of rain.

“Liam?”

Liam hears his name and turns around, coming face to face with a pair of green eyes. He smiles and thanks the lord it wasn’t Zayn.

“Hi Harry,” he smiles, but again, it’s not his happy smile.

Harry returns the smile and walks out in a big coat before throwing one over Liam’s shoulders. Liam sees the pity and worry in Harry’s emerald eyes. Liam wishes his and Zayn’s trouble didn’t ricochet on the band; but Liam had never thought his and Zayn’s relationship would be going in this direction; he didn’t see why it was so hard; Harry and Louis were going through the same thing, and they seemed fine. Well that’s what Liam thought.

“Do you want to go and get some coffee or something?” Harry asks.

Liam nods, and follows Harry down the road to Harry’s favourite place to get coffee. It was a cute little place that was unknown, down a side street which was deserted. Liam and Harry walked in and were hit with the amazing smell of coffee and chocolate cake. The cafe had a homey feeling; with tables that had laced table clothes and sugar sachets in white pots and pushed at the back were booths which had the same table cloths and sugar sachets in white pots. Liam smiled and followed Harry to the counter.

“Harry, I haven’t seen you in ages.” A woman said from behind the counter. She was small, with greying hair and round glasses.

Harry smiles sweetly, “I know, sorry. I’ve been busy. Liam, Isabella. Isabella, Liam.”

Liam tried to smile and held out his hand, shaking her hand, “hello. It’s nice to meet you.”

Isabella smiles politely and then turned to Harry asking him what he wanted. Harry said two coffees, both with milk and a piece of chocolate cake with two forks. Harry handed her the money and then made his way to the back, sitting in one of the booths which was the most secluded.

“She makes the best chocolate cake.” Harry giggles.

Liam only smiles as he shrugs off his coat. Harry sighs, like Niall, he doesn’t know what to do with Liam’s heartbreak. Harry has yet to talk with Zayn, however he knows Niall has spoken to their black haired friend but is starved of information when it comes to their conversations. Just has Harry was about to speak again, Isabella walked over and placed a colourful tray on the table, with two steaming cups of coffee and a massive slice of chocolate cake on a silver and gold plate. Harry thanked her curtly and then she walked away to serve other customers.

Harry looked back at Liam, who was sipping at his coffee. While watching Liam he looked over his face; he was so hurt, Harry could tell by the state of his eyes; he knew what Liam was going through because he went through the same thing with Louis and Eleanor; but Louis had chose Harry but still had to be seen with Eleanor just to keep up with “Elounor.” And their situation made it a little easier because Louis wasn’t in love with Eleanor. Harry also noticed the tear tracks on Liam’s high cheek bones, he obviously had been crying ever since this ordeal.

“How’re you feeling, Liam?” Harry asks. He obviously knew it was a stupid question, considering Liam’s state, but he thinks no one has actually asked Liam how he is really feeling.

Liam shrugged. Harry rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed with the answer and asked Liam to elaborate through his emerald eyes. Liam sighed and rubbed a hand over his face.

“I’m okay I guess.” He mused.

“Liam, don’t lie to me. I’m your best friend,” Harry encouraged Liam through a smile placing his large hand over Liam’s reassuringly; and it seemed to work because soon Liam was opening up.

“I don’t know what to do, Harry. I’m so lost, confused, unhappy. I miss him so much,” he said. His eyes filling with tears.

It broke Harry’s heart because he has seen the same look on Louis’ face too many times to count. He thought about telling Liam it gets better; but who was he kidding? It gets harder, and he would be lying if he said otherwise.

“Why are you confused?”

Liam exhaled and sipped at his coffee, “Zayn told me he loved me, and I was perfect for him. But he also said he loves Perrie too. He’s conflicted, and I don’t think he knows what to do. It’s becoming unbearable to see him with her. His smile seems even bigger, bigger than what it was when he was with me. He doesn’t care about me Harry, he never did, did he?”

Liam wiped his eyes with the back of his sleeve, and Harry watched on as he witnessed Liam crumbling in front of him. Harry doesn’t answer Liam’s question.

“I don’t know how you do it, Harry.” He sniffs.

Harry’s brow contorts in confusion, “what do you mean?”

“Seeing Louis with Eleanor all of the time.” He explains.

“Li, Louis made up his mind a long time ago. He knew what he wanted, he knew if he kept doing what he was doing, it would keep us safe and we could still be together.” Harry smiles. “And Louis doesn’t love Eleanor.” Maybe that wasn’t a good thing to say, but it was the truth.

Liam looks up at him with tear filled eyes once again, “Zayn has made up his mind, I gave him some time to think about what he wanted, and what he wants is Perrie, he doesn’t want me. I can’t give him the life he wants; a happy marriage, kids. No matter how much I want to. He’s chosen who he wants to spend the rest of his life with Harry. I just thought he was going to pick me.” Tears finally rolling down his cheeks. 

And that was that. Liam had finally broke and Harry had to witness his best friend crumble in front of him. Harry quickly moves to the other side of the table where Liam is sitting, sobs racking his broken body. Harry scoops Liam’s trembling form into his arms, Liam buries his face into Harry’s safe chest. Harry hugged him closer and tried to soothe Liam the best he could. Rubbing circles and trying to whisper reassuring phrases into his best friends ear; but they didn’t work. Liam was broken; all because of Zayn.

-x-

Zayn had made up his mind. He had time to think about what he wanted and not what Liam or Perrie wanted; or his parents or management wanted. He had spoken to Louis, and their talk was okay. Louis told him about Harry and Liam’s talk because Harry had texted him, told him how Liam broke down and was beyond consolable.

“Are you sure?” Louis asks him.

Zayn nods, “I’ve never been so sure in my entire life.”

They’re standing in Liam and Zayn’s? flat. Louis nods his understanding, but can’t help think Zayn is making the biggest mistake of his life. It’s like he wants to see Liam die. Louis thought about trying to talk his friend out of it, but his mind was set. Louis couldn’t even comprehend what Liam was going to do, but knowing Liam; he would forgive Zayn all too easy and still be in love with him.

“You’re going to kill him Zayn, like literally kill him. He loves you so much and it’s like you don’t care you’re breaking his heart.” Liam says as he sits on the arm chair; the same arm chair Liam and Zayn had bought from IKEA and then proceeded to break it in by fucking on it; that was a good night.

Zayn ignores it, “I do love him Louis. But Perrie will give me the family I want, Liam can’t, no matter how much I want him to.”

“He wishes he could give you everything, he'd give you the Universe if he could Zayn. He even told you his happiness for you would be fake, if Harry ever said that to me I don’t know what I would do. To let someone I love live and lead an unhappy life. You’re going to push him over the edge, I just hope you’re ready for the repercussions of your actions, Zayn.” Louis says firmly.

Zayn closes his eyes. Some things he said to Liam were true, he said the other things because he thought it would be the best thing in the moment, filling Liam’s head with everything he wanted to hear. Zayn does love Liam, and always will but Perrie was the easier option; with his parents and his fans and society. Being pushed into a relationship because of society and more importantly their management was absurd, but it was the right thing to do. It's what he wants... 

“How am I going to tell him?” Zayn wonders.

Louis looks at him, “are you seriously asking me that?”

Zayn turns his head and faces blue eyes, and nods. Louis rolls his eyes at the sheer nerve of Zayn asking him for help just so he could break Liam’s heart even more than he already has. It made his stomach turn, he got up to leave the house, the house which was once a happy place, it was now laced with sadness, betrayal, heartbreak and un-returned love.

“I’m not going to help you with that Zayn. Maybe you should think about what to say to him before Harry brings him home,” Louis checks himself, “wait, not ‘home’ anymore. This isn’t a home anymore.” He says more to himself, correcting himself, “but make sure you let him down gently, just remember he was your best friend before he became your partner and was the person who helped you through self discovery, before Perrie came along. And remember Liam, will always, _always_ love you; I don’t even know why to be honest. The two and a half years you two have shared with each other obviously meant nothing to you; I’ll see you at work tomorrow.” Louis spits before leaving the room.

Zayn sheds a few tears, because everything Louis just said is so amazingly true, it scares Zayn to his wits end. He shrugs off his coat and toes off his shoes and makes a start on packing some of his stuff. He smiles when he remembers Liam giggling when he tried to fit everything in that one tiny closet. And when they first made love in every room of the flat, it was sweet and love filled and then the love and passion disappeared when he started to date Perrie.

Zayn was half way through a box of his clothes when he heard a car pull up. His heart began to quicken because it was Liam. The car engine shut off, suddenly a car door slamming shut was heard. Zayn neared the window and he watched as Liam hugged Louis and Harry goodbye, he could see their lips moving but didn’t hear anything because the window was shut. He saw Liam give them a smile before taking his keys out and moving towards the front door. Zayn gulped when he heard the key go into the lock and being turned, it was so quiet that it was suffocating. This was it.

-x-

Liam opened the door and was met with darkness. He never wanted this flat to be like this; when him and Zayn bought it, he wanted it to be light and filled with happiness all of the time; but the novelty wore off and began turning grey when Zayn met Perrie. When his world began to crumble around him.

He closed the door shut before taking off his coat. He toed off his shoes and placed them neatly underneath the coat rack. Sighing to himself he made his way upstairs, Louis and Harry told him that Zayn was already here and he knew what was going to happen, the thought making his gut twist and his broken heart beat meekly has he made his last few steps to their once shared bedroom.

Zayn held his breath as he watched Liam walk through the door. He looked broken, and the boys weren’t kidding when they said that they could see the heartbreak in his eyes. Zayn all of a sudden filled up with guilt, because he didn’t mean to lead Liam on; even though he loved him dearly.

“Hi.” Liam whispered.

Zayn released his breath, “hi.”

Liam looked around, trying not to catch Zayn’s apologetic stare. Liam felt his world slipping away, and he didn’t know how much longer he could keep it up for. But little did Zayn know that Liam had made a decision too.

“Made a decision then?” He braved, noticing the boxes on their once shared queen sized bed.

Zayn nodded. Liam huffed a laugh, bewildered Zayn didn’t have the decency to speak.

“Thought as much.” Liam spat spitefully.

“Liam, I’m sorry.” Zayn managed.

Liam shook his head, “no you’re not Zayn. If I was going to know this was going to end like this I wouldn’t of let myself fall in love with you.”

Liam’s eyes filled with tears as he walked over to the cold bed. “I still love you Zayn, but you never cared, did you? All of the stuff you said, you didn’t mean it and I made myself believe you because I thought you really did love me and you thought I was perfect. But that wasn’t the case, I was just an experiment in your adventure of self discovery. It’s sad you didn’t meet Perrie first, it would of saved me a whole lot of time.”

Zayn’s face contorts in confusion. “What do you mean Liam?”

“Time. Thinking about what would make you happy, what could make us a better couple. Thinking about what are future would be like; our first proper house, and maybe what our kids would look like if we got a egg donor.”

Zayn gulped, “you’ve thought about that stuff?”

Liam nods, eyes finally spilling over. “I’m sorry I can’t give you everything you want, Zaynie. But I would of offered you all of the love in the world, but I guess it’s not good enough for you. But like I said, I’ll love you for forever, because I don’t want anyone else.” Liam shrugs.

Zayn keeps packing his clothes in the box and Liam watches him. Breaking inside with every piece of attire Zayn throws carelessly into the cardboard box. As he watches, he thinks maybe this is the time for him to bring up his own decision he’s made. He thought he could sit back and watch Zayn be happy, but who was he kidding, he couldn’t.

“I’m leaving Zayn.” He says suddenly, his voice weak and sad ridden.

Zayn stops what he’s doing and looks up at Liam who had migrated to the window. Liam looks down at the streets of London, watching the cars and people walk past; all of them having troubles of their own. Having no idea what was going on four stories high. Liam looked away from the window and noticed Zayn had stopped packing and was watching him with intensity.

“W-what do you mean you’re l-leaving?”

Liam shrugged, “I’ve talked to management and they said I can. I said to you, seeing you with Perrie would be easy for me, but I was lying; I can’t stand seeing you with her and seeing you two together breaks my heart, knowing that in some ways you were cheating on me. So, I’m going, and I’m not coming back. They say if you love someone, you should let them go. The boys don’t know I’m leaving, so you can tell them that I’m leaving because of, well, you.”

Zayn looked at Liam with confliction. “You can’t leave, Liam. You’re the one who makes this band.”

Liam shakes his head, “no I don’t. You can just be as great as you are now without me. I need to get away Zayn. I’m sorry.” Liam smiled small, placing a chaste kiss on Zayn’s forehead before leaving their once happy home.

Walking away from their memories, laughs, movie nights, cuddle and make out sessions. Liam rushed down the stairs and grabbed his bag, leaving Zayn behind with one more look around his once happy lounge room. The pictures which hung on the wall had lost their meaning, he didn’t even know who those two boys were anymore; they looked happy and maybe they were, but that was lost, now they were grey and meaningless.

Zayn was soon snapped out of his daze when the door slammed shut. Fuck!! What the hell had he done? He didn’t want Liam to leave because of him. He still loved him and he had just let Liam walk out of his life, their life. If he loved Liam, why was he choosing Perrie? And Zayn didn’t even know where he was going. He bolted down the stairs and out of the front door.

“LIAM?!?!” He yelled, looking down the streets.

He was gone. Nowhere. Out of his life. Forever.

Louis was right; he’d made the worse mistake of his life.

-x-

The next day, when the boys were sitting around, waiting for their interview to begin, Niall, Harry and Louis were becoming antsy because Liam hadn’t arrived yet. Harry kept dialing his number, but it went straight to voice mail, Liam’s old chirpy voice filled his ear canal; echoing on his sensitive ear drum, but soon his brow contorted because it was unlike Liam not answer his phone. Louis was watching Zayn suspiciously, Zayn tried to ignore it but it wasn’t working, he could feel the blue gaze boring into him with intensity, it was unsettling, it was like Zayn had ‘I made Liam leave, yeah, I’m an arsehole.’ Printed across his forehead. Niall was sitting on a armchair, biting his thumb nail in a nervous fashion. His blue eyes were swimming with worry because Liam always answered his phone.

“Zayn! Have you seen Liam? He isn’t at home, or answering his phone. Any idea where he is?” Harry wondered.

Zayn had mentally prepared himself for this confrontation. He was going to tell the boys the truth. They already hated him for breaking Liam and taking their fun loving funny Liam away, so why lie to them when they were going to hate him even more for making Liam leave?

“H-he’s gone.” He said meekly, looking down at the ground.

Louis, Harry and Niall looked at each other with worry in their eyes. And then they looked back at Zayn. Zayn winced at the onslaught of their eyes, piercing through him; like they were ready to attack and kill him. He had tried to get hold of Liam, but his phone went straight to voice mail, it was switched off, Liam was out of reach.

“W-what do you mean he’s g-gone?” Niall asked, fighting back the tears.

Louis draped a arm around Niall’s shoulders to comfort the blonde. Niall tried hard to keep his tears in and with every passing second; it was becoming harder and harder.

“Zayn, what have you done?” Harry continued, “you’ve ruined his life! I hope Perrie is worth it, Zayn.”

“I KNEW IT!! I KNEW YOU WERE MAKING THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE, ZAYN!!” Louis yelled, his eyes burning with rage, his face had gone hot with anger. Niall curled into himself; trying to hide away from the arguing. “And now, because of you, we’ve lost Liam.”

“Louis, babe, calm down.”

Louis shook his head, “no Harry, I won’t. Do you know what Liam told him,” emphasis on the ‘him.’ Harry shook his head no, “Liam told Zayn his happiness would be fake; I would never ever ask anything from you like that Harry, because I love you, and chose you. But you,” another load of emphasis on ‘you’ spitting it out like it was poison on the twenty-one year olds tongue, “you made Liam believe you loved him and you wanted to be with him. You’re the reason he’s left his life here and to start somewhere new. I hope you’re happy Zayn!” Louis spat before leaving the room.

Harry, Niall and Zayn watched Louis leave the room, an imaginary trail of fire behind him. Niall walked over to Zayn and looked at him with sad, disproving eyes.

“I-I thought y-you were going to pick, L-Liam, Zayn.” Niall pouted. “I r-really did think you loved him enough. But I was wrong, you say you love him, but you don’t, do you? You never did care about him, you only cared about yourself, I know Liam said something to you about thinking about what you wanted, but did you really do that? Will Perrie really make you happy?” Niall sniffed and then left the room.

Zayn exhaled, Niall was right. Fuck, he had messed everything up. Niall left the room with the disapproving head shake, rubbing and hand over his eyes to rid the tears away and set off to find Louis. Harry was still looking at the boy with raven hair, his emerald eyes burning with disappointment and worry. He was still baffled Zayn had made Liam leave, Harry really thought that Zayn was going to pick Liam, but God, he was wrong.

“STOP! Harry, I know what you’re thinking.” Zayn scolded.

“No you don’t.” Harry retorted.

Harry pulled himself up off the couch and walked over to Zayn, standing him down. Zayn looked up at Harry, his whiskey eyes filled with tears.

“Did he tell you where he was going?”

Zayn shook his head no. Harry sighed, “if you really loved him Zayn, you would of chosen him. Chosen him to spend the rest of your life with. Who cares that he couldn’t give you marriage or kids. On the contrary, he could of; you two could of applied for a civil partnership or you could of gone to Vegas and eloped. And kids, there’s adoption, surrogate, donor, the list goes on. I know Liam told you to think about what you wanted, but did you Zayn?”

Zayn looked down and shook his head no again. He did think about what he wanted, and what he wanted was Liam. He needed Liam. Zayn only thought about what society wanted; silly as it sounds, but it’s true. 

And now he had lost Liam forever!


	2. "It's Always Been You."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam's life still crumbles even though he's been away. Zayn misses Liam so much he finds a new friend.

He ran. Liam ran as quickly as his feat would allow. He turned the corner when it came to the end of the street and was met with darkness. His breathing was quick, chest tightening as he forced himself to take deep breathes, allowing his lungs to fill with steady oxygen instead of rushed. His bag tumbled down on to the damp pavement, he curled over placing his shaking hands on his knees, closing his eyes as he willed himself to calm down. After his breathing was back to normal and he could see straight, he pulled his phone from his pocket, pressing the button so it illuminated his face. Wincing immediately; it totally slipped his mind his wallpaper was him and Zayn about a month ago. He swallowed the lump that had formed and slid the ‘unlock’ bar across, tapping in his password, something he would have to change considering it was his and Zayn's anniversary. Clicking the phone app, he dialed a taxi company, ordering them to come and pick him up.

Liam sat down on the curb after ending his call. He told them where he was, the office clerk told him a taxi would be there in five minutes. He folded his arms over the top of his knees and borrowed his head into the space, the mantra of _don’tcrydon’tcrydon’tcry,_ was on repeat; Liam has had enough of crying.

What felt like hours, but was mere minutes, the taxi showed up. Pulling up in front of him, he sighed gratefully; finally, he was leaving. He gave the balding cabby a smile before climbing into the back seat. He sighed contently as the warmth of the heater filled his body, his cheeks warmed as he settled into the leather seats.

“Where to kid?” The cabby asked him.

Liam jumped at the sound of his voice and blinked, “oh, sorry. Um, Heathrow Airport please.”

The driver nodded and pulled away. To Liam’s delight, the taxi drove past Liam’s once loved home. The lights were still on, so Zayn was still packing. He let his eyes fill with hot tears, but he didn’t let them fall. No more crying, he warned himself.

_Forty minutes later…_

Liam was in departures of Heathrow Airport. He looked around the massive area; it was bustling with people of all different types, races and sizes. A part of him was thinking how weird it was to be in an Airport without the boys. The Wolverhampton born boy reached into his bag and pulled his passport and ticket out. He sighed as he looked at the ticket, running his thumb over the printed destination. Only management knew where Liam was going and he prayed they wouldn’t tell the lads - especially Zayn - where he was going; because knowing them, they would come and find him, asking him to come back, and no matter how much he really wanted to, he couldn’t do it. At least not now.

He walked over to check in, giving the blonde clerk a nice smile as she asked for his passport and boarding pass. Her delicate fingers worked the keyboard, scanning his ticket and giving him a flight sticker for his bag before it was whisked away to the holding area before it was loaded on to the plane. She thanked him for using ‘Cathy Pacific’ in a cherpy voice before he walked away; making his way to the departure lounge. After going through security – God, he hated it, they always make you take off your shoes – he was free to do whatever he pleased, because his flight wasn’t for another three hours. He danced through the people and looked around in some shops; buying a stuffed cow because the cute teddy reminded him of Zayn, not his best choice of the evening, but the toy cow had big eyes like Zayn and the fluffy black and white animal silently begged Liam to take him with him on his travels. Along with the cow he purchased a couple of magazines ones which didn’t have his ex-boyfriend on the front cover for once.

He was finally overcome with severe hunger; that's what happens when the thought of eating makes you sick. He walked around the restaurants, and decided Nando’s was the best choice. Walking in he ordered a chicken burger with chips and a coke to wash it all down with. He grabbed a table and plonked himself down. He was reading his first magazine when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He sighed and pulled the Apple device from his pocket and looked at the screen. It was a picture of Harry, he was calling. He ignored it.

_Three hours later…_

Before Liam knew it, it was time to say goodbye to London. He waited in line as people were boarding the plane, when it came to him, he handed his boarding pass to the good looking Steward with a happy facade. Liam stepped foot on to the flight deck and made the short journey to the plane where he handed his ticket again, before being told which way to go. He found is seat quickly; seeing how there were only about twenty in first class.

This was it. He was leaving his beloved friends, family and country. Not for good, just for a good amount of time.

-x-

_Two months later._

It’s been two months since Liam has been gone; and things aren’t the same. Louis, Harry and Niall still despise Zayn for making Liam leave his life behind. For breaking him so much that he found the need to leave. But, to their surprise, One Direction were still going good; it wasn’t the same with only having four voices, them being so used to five voices. Management had said Liam was off sick with severe stomach pains and he was undergoing tests, but fans and Liam’s mother saw straight through that bullshit and knew what was going on, if Zayn’s face was anything to go by.

Zayn kicks himself every day, his life soon became a disaster because sooner or later, things started to go topsy turvy with him and Perrie. She noticed he wasn’t the same with their relationship; he was becoming distant, therefore his relationship ending with the Little Mix band member; like he cared anyway. He didn’t eat, sleep, he had turned to the only thing that could comfort him; vodka. Louis, Harry and Niall watched on, as their once happy friend drank himself to death nearly every night; they could only imagine what his poor liver was going through. Louis actually thought it was a little cliché; the guy that had broken someone’s heart was drinking himself to death. He was the one who hurt Liam first and there he was sulking and chucking his sixth vodka down. Harry and Louis looked at each other; maybe taking Zayn out wasn’t exactly their best idea.

“We need to get him home,” Harry shouted over the heavy base music.

Louis nodded, “that’s easier said than done, babe.” Louis said.

He pecked Harry on the cheek before taking his boyfriends hand and pulling him over to where Zayn was nursing his seventh vodka; it was clear to Harry and Louis he was past drunk, because he was swaying on his stool. Louis and Harry stood either side of him, leaning their elbows against the marble bench top.

“C’mon Zayn, home.” Louis ordered.

They were met with silence. Zayn didn’t even blink. Louis smirked, now he knew how Liam felt two months ago; when he had crapped all over Liam’s heart. He actually got a kick out of it, he knows, it’s horrible, but that’s what the selfish bastard gets. Harry exhaled indignantly, looking over at Louis who was getting pissed off more and more with every passing second. He was so sick of Zayn’s arrogance and his lack of consideration.

“Zayn!” Louis barked, “home. Now.”

Zayn finished his drink before standing, wobbling in the process. Harry just managed to hold on to him before he face planted into the grimy club floor. While holding on to his broken friend he realized how skinny Zayn was; Harry could literally count all of his ribs. Harry was worried; but he couldn't say the same for Louis, or Niall for that matter, but Zayn was still their best friend, no matter what he had done.

Louis and Harry carried Zayn’s dead wait out of the club and hauled them all into cab and made their way back to Zayn’s place. Zayn had refused to move out of his and Liam’s apartment, he hadn’t removed any of Liam’s things because he didn’t want to disturb them, things which reminded him of Liam because in some way it was still like Liam was there.

“Miss ‘im s’much,” Zayn slurred.

Harry and Louis looked at each other. The three boys weren’t being loyal to their friend, because for the past three weeks, they had been in contact with Liam; they knew where he was, how he was doing and they knew Liam was still heartbroken from Zayn’s actions. Niall, Louis and Harry had discussed maybe telling Zayn they’ve been in contact with their out-of-reach band member, but Zayn would demand them to tell him where he is in this world, and Liam made them swear they wouldn’t tell him; no matter how much Liam wished for everything to go back to normal.

“We know,” Harry cooed, pulling Zayn into his chest, and then he began to cry. Louis blinked, he hadn’t seen Zayn cry since Liam left. That’s what happened when you hold everything in, it builds up and eventually there’s no more room, so you just have to let it out, both Harry and Louis know what it's like, having endured it countless times.  
Harry and Louis looked at each other with sad eyes. If this is what Zayn was going through; they didn’t even want to think about what Liam was enduring. They knew he was still heartbroken from when he left, but I think with him leaving, it made things worse. What they both need is closer. So that means having to tell Zayn where Liam is, and it also means breaking their promise to Liam.

They arrived at his flat and hauled him from the cab, they paid the cabby before bringing Zayn inside. The put him straight to bed and Harry being the amazing person that he is, placed a glass of water and two Advil on the bedside table. Harry gingerly kissed Zayn’s forehead before taking Louis’ hand and retreating to the guest bedroom; where the two boys had been living for the past six weeks, scared to death Zayn would do something drastic.

-x-

Liam had done nothing but cry. He was currently in bed, watching “Ziam” videos that fans had made of him and Zayn; all of their memorable moments together; it could be categorized as one of Liam’s worst mistakes of his life. Some of the clips were from the X Factor days. They opened his eyes, he had never really known how they looked at each other until he saw the videos; Zayn especially and Liam was so oblivious to it, he was busy with Danielle at the time, because Liam wasn’t always in love with Zayn. Some were from months ago, like their interview they both did on a double bed in a hotel room; which later on after the interview had come to a finish, they made love for hours before falling asleep in a messy sweaty pile of limbs. They looked happy, they really did and maybe if Zayn had never fallen in love with Perrie, they could still be that loved up couple that they once were; and not the heartbroken individuals that they are now.

Liam closed his laptop and clutched his phone in his hand. He could call Zayn try to make everything better, but on the other hand, it could make everything worse, more than what it already is. He’d been in contact with the boys, and they updated him on everything that Zayn had been going through. And from what they had told him; it seemed maybe Zayn did love him and did care; so right there, he made the decision to go back to England.

Because no matter how much Liam wanted to stay away, he couldn’t. He loved Zayn, he falls in love with him more and more and it seems to grow more when Zayn isn’t near; he guesses the saying is true, “distance makes the heart grow fonder.”

-x-

Harry and Louis were awake, staring at the ceiling; Louise head on Harry’s chest, Louis absently ran a finger up and down Harry’s arm lovingly. In the background, they could hear Zayn throwing up. Harry’s phone buzzed all of a sudden, he groaned and peeled himself from the warmth of Louis to snatch his phone from the dresser. He unlocked it and saw that he had a message from Liam.

It was simple: _“im cming home. Xx”_

He smiled and tapped back a reply. He snuggled back into bed bringing Louis closer and intertwined their fingers together. Harry waited a while before opening his mouth, “Liam is coming home.” Louis tensed and looked up at Harry. Harry’s green eyes were shining with happiness as he looked down into Louis’ blue unsure ones.

“W-what?” His voice wavered. He had been waiting for Liam to come home, and now he was, it seemed too good to be true.

Harry didn’t say one word, he picked up his discarded phone and pushed it in front of Louis’ face. Louis went crossed eyed but he took hold of Harry’s hand and moved it away from his face. His eyes widened before a smile etched itself on to Louis’ adorable fragile face. Liam was coming home.

“Our Liam is coming home, Haz.” He beamed.

Harry smiled at the adoration which beamed from Louis’ face and he couldn’t help but smile with his boyfriend, he couldn’t help but lean in and place a kiss on Louis’ temple. Harry’s face then contorted in anguish and he sucked his bottom lip in-between his teeth. Louis sighed.

“I don’t know babe,” he shrugged.

Harry exhaled and then snuggled back into Louis’ arm. Should they tell Zayn?

-x-

Three days later, Liam found himself sitting in first class on his way back to England. He was bouncing his knee up and down, the closer he came to landing at Heathrow Airport, the more nervous he became. What was he going to tell Zayn? When he finally landed an hour later, he was beyond nervous. He made it through customs and searched for three familiar faces he had missed like crazy. He walked through the throngs of people, he stopped whipping his head around the room. He deflated, but then he heard the calls of his name. He turned around and came face to face with a pair of green eyes and curly hair.

“’Ello stranger,” Harry mused with a smile on his face.

Liam giggled and dove into Harry’s arms. Louis was next in line; wrapping his arms around Liam’s neck. Niall was close to tears when he hugged his friend, and so was Liam for that matter. Liam wasn’t expecting Zayn to be there, and he didn’t know if the lads had told him. They all made their way to baggage claim, picking up Liam’s next to nothing luggage. He sighed, it was bittersweet being back on British turf; but he was happy to be home. And he was quite surprised the airport wasn’t crawling with paps.

Louis clapped him on the back, “it’s great to have you back, mate.”

Liam smiled and nodded his head, still contemplating whether or not he should ask about Zayn or not. He didn’t know how he felt about the boy with raven hair and soft brown eyes; well, he did, but he didn’t want the three boys to think he was stupid for still being in love with an arsehole. They all climbed into the car which was waiting for them, before setting off for Harry and Louis’ apartment for some much needed catching up. They all wanted to hear about the adventures Liam had taken part in in Australia by himself. All five boys had an amazing time when they were there together; Zayn and Liam especially, they connected so much in the boiling hot country. Liam may or may not have visited some of the places that him and Zayn had visited as a couple. Granted, they weren’t the same; but they held good memories for him, even though he may of looked like a nomad, he closed his eyes, remembering those times; times that were easier and Perrie wasn’t the destructive subject in their relationship.

The car pulled up, the boys climbed out and made their way to the front door. Liam bit his lip, afraid of Zayn being behind the red door. Louis saw the hesitancy in Liam’s eyes and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. Liam looked at the contact before looking up at Louis.

“He doesn’t know you’re back yet.”

Liam sighed in relief; he wasn’t ready to face Zayn yet, he needed sometime to gather up what he was going to say, because what he wanted to say was a massive incoherent mess in his brain. Liam smiled and all of them made their way in the house.

-x-

A week later Liam had settled like he had never left. Currently staying at Louis and Harry’s flat, he kept himself busy while the boys went off to meetings for One Direction business. Liam still had no clue what he wanted to say to Zayn when he would eventually confront him; his return was still unknown to Zayn, the boys keeping quiet about it. Liam tried writing a letter to Zayn but ended up throwing it out moments later when he read through the words that were scrawled out. He sighed and closed his eyes, ripping the page from the notebook and throwing it over his head, “how can writing a letter be so difficult?” He spoke out loud. Attempting to rewrite the letter again with no luck, he gave up.

An hour later, Louis and Harry walked through the front door, giggling and sharing kisses. They obviously forgot about their current lodger because they started to peel each other’s clothes off. If Liam hadn’t of cleared his throat, he was sure he would of got an eyeful. Harry and Louis choked before apologizing.

“Don’t worry about it,” he laughed, “I just made tea, do you want a cup?”

Harry and Louis nodded with smiles on their flushed faces and made their way to the kitchen, following Liam. It had been a long day and both boys had to tell Liam something; whether or not Liam would like it was hard to tell, only time could deceiver what Liam was going to say.

Liam was busy pouring tea into two mugs when Harry cleared his throat. Liam put the pot down – yes, Harry and Louis had a teapot, it was white with red and blue polka dots and it was a gift from Harry’s mother – and faced the two boys with a worried expression.

“What?” His tone quizzical.

The boys looked at each other, Harry bit his lips before continuing, “Niall is coming over tonight,” Harry spoke. They could see Liam’s broad shoulders tense; he knew what was coming.

“And so is Zayn.” Louis finished for him.

Liam panicked and began to pace the length of the kitchen. He didn’t know what to do, was he ready to see Zayn again after what he did to him? He missed Zayn heaps, but was everything going to go back to normal, he didn’t know. On some levels, he was hoping him and Zayn could mend things and go back to how they were; back to living in the same flat, sharing the same bed, their showers and kissing as well as making love. But, what if it wasn’t what Zayn wanted? Liam wasn’t entirely sure if Zayn would break his heart again, and was it worth it? Worth having his world crumble again; he was still getting over it.

“Don’t panic Li,” Louis said as he took his mug of tea, blowing on it before taking a sip. “We have a plan.”

Harry nodded and picked up his own tea, sitting beside Louis who was now perched on a bar stool. Liam sat opposite them with his own mug and asked what the plan was. Harry and Louis explained what they had both came up with and it was a good idea if Liam did say so himself, and later on, they could put the plan into motion.

-x-

Later on that night, Liam had helped Harry and Louis clean their flat, making sure there was no trace of Liam’s presence. Zayn would still think Liam is where he was originally but Liam would be sitting in Louis and Harry’s room awaiting for Louis’ signal for him to come out from hiding. Harry was nervous about giving away the whole plot, resulting in him sticking his thumb nail between his teeth to stop him from blabbering.

Everything was set, the flat was organized and Liam free. Liam had gotten ready for his reveal; dressing nice in his checkered plaid shirt – which Harry and Louis knew was Zayn’s favourite, but they didn’t say anything, - his jeans and a pair of converse. His hair was perfect, considering he didn’t do anything to it. While Liam was sitting on their bed, he heard the door bell ring and then a booming voice filled the flat which was Niall’s. He smiled, he was so happy to be home.

-x-

In the lounge, a bouncing Niall walked in carrying a case of beer and Zayn walked behind him with six pizza boxes. Both boys set them down in the kitchen, Zayn spent no time in grabbing a beverage and going to the lounge room and throwing himself down on the couch. He was moping around; has been since Liam’s departure. Harry and Louis couldn’t wait to tell him Liam was back in England. And more importantly, a few meters away.

They didn’t want to jump into things, so after an hour of talking albeit with a non talkative Zayn they decided to put him out of his misery. Both boys straightened up and placed their drinks on the coffee table. Thriving with excitement, they continued with their plan.

“Zayn?” Harry said.

Zayn looked up from his bottle, where he had been picking at the label. He blinked a few times to show he was listening.

Harry and Louis shared a look before the boy with curly hair let his boyfriend continue. “Zee, for the past couple of weeks,” he started, Harry put a hand on his knee and squeezed reassuringly, “well, for the past three weeks, er, we, us three,” gesturing between Harry, Niall and hismelf “have been in contact with Liam.”

Zayn bolted straight up, placing his bottle on the coffee table, brightening up at the mention of Liam’s name. “Really?”

“Yes. He’s er, been in Australia all this time.” Harry continued.

Zayn’s eyes began to well with tears, “is.. Is he okay?”

They all nodded, “he just needed some time Zee, he’s fine and doing good. He misses you though.” Niall pouts.

Zayn blinked his tears away, “he does? Does he know about Perrie and I, how we’ve finished and how I still love him?” He asked timidly, almost he was afraid of the answer.

More nods came from the three boys, Harry cleared his throat, “there’s one more thing.” He hand gestured with a pointed finger.

Zayn looked at them intently and waited for them to say it. Say what? It could be anything. “Liam has met a lovely guy and is in love with him.” Or, “he’s never coming back Zayn.” Or, “he doesn’t love you anymore Zayn, you broke his heart.” It could go those three ways, but what he wasn’t expecting was what Louis said:

“He’s back in England.”

Zayn jumped up from his seat and rushed to the door, “where?!” He demanded to know now about to bolt out of the front door.

“Here.” Liam’s quiet voice said.

Zayn’s body froze at the sound, a sound he hadn’t heard in two months, a sound he remembers being broken. Closing his eyes, he breathed in deeply. His shoulders were tense and his chest was rising and falling rapidly, like he couldn’t believe he had been in the same vicinity as Liam for the past hour and a half.

He slowly turned his body. His eyes welling with tears. And there he was, Liam. He looked at home with glossy eyes and stuck together eyelashes, tear stained cheeks; he looked beautiful. Seeing Liam standing in front of him was too much, his legs gave way and he fell to the floor, sobs over taking him. Liam’s eyes widened and he quickly moved over to where the love of his life was shaking. He gathered him up and kissed his temple, squeezing him tightly. Liam was being so sweet, caring and accepting; Zayn didn’t deserve it.

Liam nuzzled his face into the nook of Zayn’s neck and inhaled Zayn’s smell, beer, pizza and smoke mixed with his favourite cologne of Zayn’s. It was familiar, it was safe, it was home.

“Zaynie?” Liam mumbled tentatively, pulling away to look at him.

Zayn shivered when Liam’s hand settled on the junction between his shoulder and neck. “Zayn?”

Zayn looked up and blinked a few times, “it’s really you.”

Liam nodded as Zayn reached out a hand and touched Liam’s face; first his cheekbones, then his nose, hair line, temple and finally his lips. Zayn’s eyes filled with tears, because this wasn’t a dream, Liam was really there, holding him. Liam smiled and pulled Zayn’s broken body into his own body again, hugging him tightly as he cried. It was the best hug that either of them has had for weeks. Again, Liam nuzzled his face into Zayn’s hair.

“’M sorry,” Zayn whispered against Liam’s shirt. “I’m so, so, so sorry.”

Liam pulled away and raked his eyes over Zayn’s face. His hazel eyes held sincerity and love, Liam wanted Zayn back and Liam was hoping Zayn felt the same way. It would take a while to get their relationship back to where it was.

“I forgive you Zayn,” Liam said.

And just like that, all of the weight Zayn had been carrying for the past three months was lifted. His shoulders felt lighter, his heart was mending and his stomach no longer had the deep churning feeling. He could already feel his soul fixing itself; Liam made him whole.

“It’s gonna take some time for us to mend what we had, but I think we can do it. I shouldn’t have ran away, it didn’t do anything. It only made me love you more because I missed you. I realized I was running away from everything apart from my love and devotion to you, because that follows you. I heard about Perrie though, I’m sorry.”

Zayn shrugged, “it’s always been you. I’m so sorry I ruined what we had. I don’t deserve you, Li.”

Liam shushed him and gently pressed their lips together, they immediately melted into each other and it was like nothing had changed. All was well for now and their three best friends watched on with smiles on their faces; Louis curled himself into Harry’s chest, tucking his head under Harry’s neck.

“I love you,” Zayn whispered against Liam’s lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you guys like it? Comment if you want more. Or kudos or bookmark and like always, thank you for reading! x : )


	3. "Forever and Always."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home is where Liam and Zayn both are.

At home – where Liam and Zayn belonged – the only thing that could be heard were the soft pants and little moans coming from both boys. After they had stumbled home from Louis and Harry’s apartment, they spent no time in ripping each other’s clothes off, grabbing at each other’s skin, biting, licking and kissing the whole expanse of both their bodies like they had been starved of each other. And in some ways, they had been. Zayn needed Liam to survive. 

They made it to their bed, Liam noticing nothing had changed from when he left two months ago; everything was still in place and he made a note to ask Zayn why he didn’t touch anything which belonged to Liam – and yes, it is a little strange Liam noticing, especially when he has Zayn practically gagging for him – so with that thought, Liam brought his attention back to Zayn. 

Liam pushed Zayn on the bed, the mattress swallowing him, as Liam peppered kisses up and down his chest, kissing each tattoo which was followed by a sharp bite to where Liam felt like biting and then sucked before it was soothed with a flick of his tongue. 

Zayn’s head was a blurred mess, it was all _LiamLiamLiam_ because, fuck, Zayn had missed him so much and he was only now realizing how much he needed Liam in his life, well, he realized as soon as Liam ran off, but the sex between the two of them is passionate, intimate and _fucking amazing!_ Without Liam, Zayn wasn’t himself, ask Harry, Louis and Niall, he didn’t function and Zayn was surprised he was still alive because when Liam was gone – for what seemed like years – he was an empty hallow version of himself. Everyone had noticed. 

Liam looked down at Zayn with hooded eyes, drinking in Zayn’s writhing, whimpering display. His eyes blown, hooded with want and love. His cheeks a shade of red that suited his skin tone; he was utterly beautiful. Zayn’s hips were bucking up against Liam’s looking for friction. “I’ve missed you, so much.” Liam mused before he swooped down again and kissed Zayn hard before he shoved three fingers into Zayn’s mouth.

Zayn closed his eyes and whimpered as he sucked on Liam’s fingers. Closing his eyes as he covered them with a liberal amount of his saliva before Liam’s ripped them away. Both boys were already both naked and extremely rigid, excitement coursing through themselves in anticipation. 

Liam circled Zayn’s entrance teasingly before he entered the – suffocating – tight heat. Liam moaned and worked in his finger before adding another, parting his fingers, stretching him, his head becoming dizzy with the feeling of Zayn wrapped around his fingers. Zayn was fucking himself on Liam’s digits, panting for moremoremore. 

_“Liam, pl-please!”_

Liam nodded and spat into his palm, slicking his aching hard on before he shuffled in-between Zayn’s parted thighs. Zayn’s dick was laying heavy and leaking on his barely-there stomach, angry and twitching. Liam hiked Zayn’s thighs around his waist and leaned his weight on one hand near Zayn’s head before using his free one to line up with Zayn’s twitching muscle. 

Before long, Liam was pushing in Zayn’s hole, biting his lip because, Jesus fucking Christ, he had missed this. He buried his head in the crook of Zayn’s neck, chest to chest, Zayn’s finger nails digging their way into Liam’s back creating crescent moon shapes, dragging them down as Liam just stayed still, splitting him open. Zayn bit his lip, letting out whimpers as he relished in the burn, Zayn never thought he’d miss that effing burn, but, God, did he. Liam was letting short grunts slip past his lips and against Zayn’s sweat slicked skin. Liam waited for Zayn to adjust before getting affirmation from Zayn before moving his hips shallowly.

_“Liam.”_

Liam removed his face from Zayn’s neck and connected their lips in a scorching kiss. Liam begins thrusting at a liberal pace, no too fast and not too slow, Liam didn’t want to rush this, the first intimate meeting they’ve had for over two months, he wants to drag this out for as long as he possibly can. Slow, passionate and full of love; everything Liam and Zayn share and hopefully, they’ll mend each other. 

-x-

Zayn blinks awake, the light disturbing him from the _best_ sleep he’s had in two months. His head is placed gently on a solid chest, all warm skin and sweat slicked. It was Liam, his Liam; Liam coming home wasn’t a dream, it was a reality. Zayn looked up towards his face, it’s relaxed and peaceful and he’s so beautiful, Zayn shifts gently to get a better view. The sun from the window is hitting him perfectly, his nose and high cheek bones along with eye lashes caught by the shadows. And Zayn’s favourite part of Liam – apart from his lips, touch and dick – is his heart shaped birthmark sitting in the middle of his neck. 

Zayn smiled, the first real smile in two months, he has never been this happy and he can feel their home filling with colour again, their pictures from three years together gaining their meaning again. He’s happy, so happy, and that scares him, because something is sure to go wrong again and he can’t face losing Liam again. He is nothing without Liam.

Liam is the light of his world. He’s the reason why he wakes up in the mornings. The reason why he sings. The reason why he laughs, the reason why he blinks, the reason why he breaths and the reason why his heart beats. It’s all Liam.

Liam stirs a little, his limbs stretching under Zayn, he can’t help but smile at the feeling and he watches in awe as Liam’s eyes flutter open, fists coming up to rub the sleep away. Zayn has never been this happy in his life, seeing Liam wake up next to him is something he honestly thought he’d never see again. 

Letting out a sign, Liam curled his arms back around Zayn and pulled the boy closer, burying his face in Zayn’s sleep warm black hair. 

“I can’t believe I’m waking up next to you,” Zayn drawls out in a breath against Liam’s chest. 

He can hear Liam’s heart beat beneath his ear, it’s a steady thump against his chest. Zayn draws mindless patterns on Liam’s chest with his finger tips, eyes closing as Liam’s chest rises and falls in a slow and deep pace.

There’s a slight pressure to the top of his head, smiling, Zayn knows it’s Liam placing a simple kiss there.

“I can’t believe I’m waking up next to you either.” Liam mumbles. 

-x-

Everything was perfect. They talked about where they went wrong, Zayn apologized so many times Liam had to kiss him just to show him it was okay and he was forgives because he had seemed to forgot. They spent their days catching up, Liam told Zayn what he did in Australia and even though it was good to get away, he was still unhappy and he realized his love for Zayn followed. Zayn begrudgingly spoke about how Perrie noticed he was being distant and then ended it, and it wasn’t like she didn’t know about the two of them, it was just a PR stunt which happened to backfire in Zayn’s face because he ended up losing the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Zayn also said their fans had noticed he was losing weight and how quiet he was, even though he was quiet to begin with. They also spent their days cuddling, watching movies, eating take out and fucking on any surface they could. They saw the boys and Louis and Harry and Niall were happy their best friends had finally sorted out and they could see their hearts finally mending. Especially Liam. 

But it all had to come crashing down around them. 

Zayn and Liam were laying in bed when Zayn got the phone call. Liam was sitting up against the headboard with a cuppa tea and watching the news while Zayn regretfully got out of his warm bed to answer his phone and when he saw the number, his stomach dropped, all of a sudden feeling sick. His heart beat quickened and he bit his lip and looked up at Liam. 

Liam was watching him closely with worried eyes. “Answer it.” 

Zayn didn’t like the tone of Liam’s voice. He had heard it before and it still haunts him. 

Zayn slid the bar across and held it up to his ear and left their bedroom. “Ello?”

“Zayn,” the voice on the other end sounded like he wanted to something else instead of making this phone call. “We have a problem.” 

Zayn sighed, “what?” 

The management team member sighed, “it’s Little Mix. They’re flopping and loosing fans, the number of downloads has gone down and, yeah. You know the rest.” 

“What do you want me to do about it?” 

“Well, how about you go on a few dates with her?”

Zayn laughed out loud. “You’re kidding?”

“Absolutely not. I know you’ve broken up, but it won’t be that bad; take her out for dinner, go to the movies, go shopping and make sure you’re seen, it’ll be easy.” Zayn frowned, this guy sounded too pleased with himself. 

Zayn was annoyed, “it would be bad. ‘Zerrie’” spitting it out like poison on his tongue “was the worst thing that has ever happened to me, I lost the one person whom I actually care about, love and wanna spend the rest of my life with, I’m not jeopardizing it again, I’m not losing Liam again because Little Mix are flopping as a band; let them flop, I don’t care. I’m not doing it, get someone else to do it.” And then he hung up and went back to Liam.

Liam was looking at him as he walked in, mouth hanging open. He obviously heard. 

“You heard then?” 

Liam nodded, is mouth opening and closing not knowing what to say. His eyes were wide and the mug was now sitting on the bedside table, obviously Liam had finished it while he was on the phone. 

“I can’t believe you just said no to management.”

Zayn smiled and walked back over to the bed, knee-crawling over towards Liam and sitting down. “ _You_ are the most important thing in my life, Liam Payne. I want nothing to do with that band and especially her. I can’t believe how stupid I was, I nearly, well, I did, but I can’t believe I nearly lost your forever, I thought I was never going to see you again and it would have been my own fault, you told me to think about what I wanted, but I didn’t, I thought about what the rest of the world wanted, what my parents wanted, I love my mum and dad, but I love you more. I don’t wanna lose you again, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you; I want everything, all the love in the world, I want a wedding in Hawaii at sunset and exchange promises to love each other forever in front of our friends and family, I want our wedding bands to sparkle in the sun on our honeymoon when we're laying in bed with the morning sun shining in. I want to buy a bigger house so our children can have the best life on this planet, I want my kids to have your eyes, smile and your amazing, kind and loving heart. I wanna grow old with you and watch our children have their own kids. But for now, I’ll settle for you because you’re _enough._ You’re my forever and always.” 

They both had tears in their eyes. It was everything Liam had wanted to hear and more, he was enough, he was Zayn’s forever and always. Liam smiled and pulled Zayn in by the back of the neck and kissed him, soft and sweet before he pulled away and rested their foreheads against each other. 

“I love you, so much. You have no idea.”

Zayn smiled, “I think I do, because I love you just as much, forever and always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might do an epilogue, let me know if you want one. : )

**Author's Note:**

> I have posted this on tumblr along with the second part; part three is actually in the process of being written. Comment, kudos and bookmark, give me feedback. : ) And, like always, thank you for reading.


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